What happens when
by extra short
Summary: just pointless stuff to do with me and my friends meeting him. things get pretty OOC...rating incase.
1. you give Artemis a bird

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AN; ok, just for the record, I would never usually write something like this. But I thought I would give it a try. Eh…this was for another site and I decided to cause terror by posting it here! Yay!

Disclaimer; I am NOT doing a disclaimer all the way through this! So, I'll just do 1! Artemis and co ain't mine. I have never said that the belong to me!

Artemis; Butler! Look! I have a bird!

Holly; who the hell gave _you_ something to look after?

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; covers ears

Artemis; the guy at the pet shop. He said I'd be good at it! And look how cute she is!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; shudders

Artemis; Aww!

Juliet; you're getting a bit OOC, aren't you?

Artemis; I'm just doing what extra short told me to.

Juliet; good point. That kid scares me.

**__**

DAMN STRAIGHT I DO!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; WOULD YOU SHUT THAT THING UP!

Artemis; Holly! You might hurt Whiskers feelings…

Holly; Whiskers?

Artemis; well she needs a name!

Holly; but Whiskers is a cats name!

Artemis; says who?

Holly; eh, everyone.

Artemis; well…I have a bird and you don't!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Butler; that things starting annoy me…

Holly; ditto.

Foaly; enters room hey guys! Look at what I made…

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Foaly; what's _that_?

Artemis; _that_ is Whiskers.

Foaly; Whiskers…

Bird; …

Artemis; looks at script eh, Whiskers. That was your line.

Bird; …

Artemis; starts to panic Whiskers?

Bird; …

Mulch; hey guys! What are we doing?

Artemis; I've lost my beloved pet bird, Whiskers!

Mulch; was it about this high?

Artemis; yes.

Mulch; did it have feathers?

Artemis; yes.

Mulch; did it taste good in a sandwich?

Artemis; yes…**_WHAT?!?_**

Holly; smirks you didn't.

Mulch; oops…

Artemis; **_WHISKERS!!!!!!!!!_**

AN; so…..how was that? Probably not funny. I'm not very good at comedy.


	2. you let me meet Artemis Fowl

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AN; ok, just for the record, I would never usually write something like this. But I thought I would give it a try. Eh…this was for another site and I decided to cause terror by posting it here! Yay!

Disclaimer; I am NOT doing a disclaimer all the way through this! So, I'll just do 1! Artemis and co ain't mine. I have never said that the belong to me!

Artemis; Butler! Look! I have a bird!

Holly; who the hell gave _you_ something to look after?

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; covers ears

Artemis; the guy at the pet shop. He said I'd be good at it! And look how cute she is!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; shudders

Artemis; Aww!

Juliet; you're getting a bit OOC, aren't you?

Artemis; I'm just doing what extra short told me to.

Juliet; good point. That kid scares me.

**__**

DAMN STRAIGHT I DO!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; WOULD YOU SHUT THAT THING UP!

Artemis; Holly! You might hurt Whiskers feelings…

Holly; Whiskers?

Artemis; well she needs a name!

Holly; but Whiskers is a cats name!

Artemis; says who?

Holly; eh, everyone.

Artemis; well…I have a bird and you don't!

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Butler; that things starting annoy me…

Holly; ditto.

Foaly; enters room hey guys! Look at what I made…

Bird; **_SQWALK!_**

Foaly; what's _that_?

Artemis; _that_ is Whiskers.

Foaly; Whiskers…

Bird; …

Artemis; looks at script eh, Whiskers. That was your line.

Bird; …

Artemis; starts to panic Whiskers?

Bird; …

Mulch; hey guys! What are we doing?

Artemis; I've lost my beloved pet bird, Whiskers!

Mulch; was it about this high?

Artemis; yes.

Mulch; did it have feathers?

Artemis; yes.

Mulch; did it taste good in a sandwich?

Artemis; yes…**_WHAT?!?_**

Holly; smirks you didn't.

Mulch; oops…

Artemis; **_WHISKERS!!!!!!!!!_**

AN; so…..how was that? Probably not funny. I'm not very good at comedy.


	3. you let Shannon and Minerva into the

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AN; so……are you all bored of this yet? Are ya? Are ya? pokes Are ya?

Shannon; enters room hi everybody!

Minerva; also enters room hello!

Shannon; gasps what are you doing here?

Minerva; visiting _my_ friends!

Shannon; you mean _my_ friends!

Buttons; **_EYORE!_**

Artemis; I love you Bttons! hugs

Shannon; why don'tyou just get lost?

Minerva; because I'm a genius and genii don't make mistakes!

Shannon; well you've just made one!

Minerva; what's that?

Shannon; coming here!

Minerva; grins evily kisses Artemis on cheek

Artemis; don't kiss me Minerva! You'll make Buttons jelous!

Buttons; **_EYORE!_**

Minerva; what?

Shannon; ahahahahaha! what he's trying to say is that he preferes a donkey to you!

Artemis; it's not just a donkey! It's Buttons!

Holly; give us a break...

Mulch; hey guys. we need to start to make things a bit more random. no ones reading this fic.

Buttons; oh i know how to make it more random!

Holly; did Buttons just talk...

Artemis; shhh! Buttons is talking!

starts to rain

Butler; eh...it's raining inside.

Artemis; what's wrong with that?

Butler; oh, nothing rolls eyes

Artemis; gasps hey! what's happening to Buttons!

Buttons; changes into...

A TABLE!

Artemis; **_BUTONS!_**

Mulch; oh look! an old table! just what i was looking for! pulls out chainsaw **_I'MGONNACUTITWITHACHAINSAW!_**

Artemis; NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mulch; cuts in half done!

Juliet; eh...why did you need to cut the table?

Mulch; shrugs I told you guys we had to be more random.

Artemis; **_BUTTONS!_**


	4. you give Artemis another pet

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AN; I'll update 1 more time today, cause I love u all!

Artemis; look everyone! I have a new pet bird! I didn't really like Buttons, he could never replace...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_** but i feel as though this bird could! Meet Paws!

Holly; you are joking me...

Artemis; what?

Holly; Paws is a dogs name!

Artemis; I'm not going into this again...

Paws; **_SQWALK!_**

Artemis; aww! quite the talker, isn't he? pokes

Paws; bites Artemis

Artemis; OUCH!

Holly; smirks

Artemis; he's just showing how much he loves me!

Paws; **_SQWALK!_**

Artemis; SHUT THE HELL UP!

Paws; ...

Artemis; that's...

**__**

SQWALK!

Artemis; shudders ok, Paws it's time to be quiet now.

Paws;...

Artemis; much better...

**__**

SQWALK!

meahwhile...

Shannon; glares

Minerva; glares back

Alexa; well, _this_ is fun.

back with Artemis...

Artemis; sighs Paws, I think you should learn about your big sister...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_**

Paws; **_SQWALK!_**

Artemis; hey! don't take that tone with me!

Paws; **_SQWALK!_**

Holly; that's it! grabs bird cage throws out window

Artemis; **_PAWS!_**

Mulch; seen that one coming...

AN; what do you think? Good? Bad? Should I get a life?


	5. you take Artemis to a bird sanctuary

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AN; hey, hey! The randomness is back!!!!!

Artemis; guess what everyone? we're going to a bird sanctuary! my doctor suggested that I go an see other animals instead of grieving over...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_**

Minerva; yay!

Artemis; yeah, everyone apart from you.

Minerva; why!

Artemis; shrugs I don't know. it's in the script.

**__**

bird sanctuary...

Artemis; so here we are! it's a lovely day and I'm out with my friends!

Kirsty; yeah...you guys enjoy yourselves. I'm off to do something...good.

Shannon; yeah, I'm with her...

Everyone; grunts in agreement

Artemis; fine! I'll be here on my own!

Everyone; leaves

Artemis; ah! so here I am! At one with mother nature!

Mother nature; exchange looks attacks Artemis

Artemis; AGH! MOTHER NATURE HAS TURNED ON ME!

**__**

in a cafe...

Meg; what's that noise?

Everyone; listens and hears a faint voice that seems to be screaming _Mother Nature._

Kirsty; shrugs probably another naturalist


	6. you give Artemis a cat

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AN; aha! I'm back! And this time I am even more hyperer(is that a word?)

Everyone; enters room

Holly; how the hell did you end up in a hedge?

Artemis; the birds _bullied_ me into it. I'm starting to think that birds aren't for me.

Eveyone; finally!

Artemis; so, to help me forget about...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_** I have now...pulls out of plastic bag a cat!

cat; meow.

Holly; hey! here'sa crazy idea! why don't we just cut it's head off or something right ow? to save us from waiting...

Artemis; **_NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_** I love Golddie.

Holly; oh my go-

Artemis; what?

Holly; Golddie is a...forget it.

cat; meow.

Kirsty; aww!!!! she's a lot quieter than the rest, isn't she?

Artemis; yip!

Mulch; hey guys! I've got an idea! i was playing a game on the computer called _Kitty Cannon_(AN; a real game). why don't we get some cuddly toy kittens and put them in a cannon!

Kirsty;YEAH! that sound totally pointful!

garden...

Mulch; ready?

Alexa; yeah! hands toy kitten

Mulch; fires into air

Kirsty, Meg, Shannon and Alexa; hand Mulch kitten, after kitten to fire into air

cat; meow. toddles over to pile of stuffed kittens

Meg; picks up another _stuffed kitten_.

cat; gets picked up by Meg put into cannon by Mulch

Artemis; Golddie! Golddie! Where are you? sees Golddie in cannon **_NO!!!!!!!!_** runs

everything slows down to seem more dramatic

Artemis; almost there

Mulch; fires cannon

cat;meoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Artemis; **_GOLDDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**


	7. you let Artemis find out about the easte

Artemis; no more pets. no one could replace...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_**

TV; shows easter bunny cartoon

Artemis; Butler...

Butler; start to walk out room yes...

Artemis; I want a bunny as my new pet. And not just any bunny...The Easter Bunny.

later that day...

Holly; whispers I'm sueing extra short. Fowl's getting somOOC that it's tarting to make me feel sick!

**__**

HELL YOU WILL! OH! AND SOMEONE ELSE WILL BE COMING SOON. BUT NOT NOW! IT GIVES THE READERS ANOTHER EXCUSE TO KEEP READING THIS.

Mulch; ok...

Artemis; so, anway. we are trying to catch the Easter bunny!

Kirsty; smirks you beleive in the easter bunny?

Artemis; looks confuzzled why isn't he real? doesn't he stay with Santa and the tooth fairy in Jamacia?

KIrsty; what do you- mouth covered by Butler's hand

Butler; shh! he still beleives in them!

Artemis; still looking slightly confuzzled ok, let's continue. We are now going to try to steal the easter bunny so that I can have him as a pet.

Mulch; then...

Artemis; what do you mean then?

Muclh; how does it die?

Artemis; looks hurt I'm actually very good at taking care of my pets! It was yyou who ate...sniffles **_WHISKERS!_** it was you who cut...sniffles **_BUTTONS!_** in half. it wa you who sent... sniffles**_ GOLDDIE!_** into outer space and it was Holly who threw...sniffles**_ PAWS!_** out a window.

Mulch; good point.

Artemis; so, here's the plan...

ten minutes later...

Artemis; in tellytubie suit why isn't anyone helping me!

Kirsty; kids from my school could be reading this.

Shannon; ditto.

Meg; I'm alergic to tellytubies.

Alexa; ditto.

Holly; I just don't want to do it.

Juliet; ditto.

Mulch; I fart too much to wera the suit.

Butler; ditto.

Eveeryone; gives him strange looks

Butler; what?

Artemis;sighs looks like I'll have to do this on my own...

AN; cliffhanger!!!!!!!


	8. extra short isn't there

Everyone has now been watching Artemis for an hour…..

Kirsty; well, I'm bored!

Alexa; I think it's kind of funny.

Meg; no, I agree with Kirsty. Who's coming?

Kirsty; raises hand

Meg; ok.

Kirsty; lets go up and see if we can help the author!

Kirsty & Meg;leave

Mulch; go up where…

****

Authors box…

Kirsty; bursts in room hey, extra short! We're here to help…gasps

Meg; stumbles in what?

Kirsty; she's not here! extra short has disappeared!

Meg; oh…

Meg & Kirsty; exchange looks

Meg; I BAGS THE BIG CHAIR!

Kirsty; hey! That's not fare!

Kirsty & Meg; wrestle over chair

Chair; breaks

Kirsty & Meg; find other not so big chairs

Kirsty; so….we control the story?

Meg; yip!

Kirsty; steeples fingers I now have the power to control the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Meg; ok…so, what are we gonna do now?

Kirsty; stops laughing I have no idea…

AN; 1 last chapter tonight!


	9. Artemis finds out that

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Meanwhile, back with the others…

Artemis; sighs I give up! flops onto chair sniffles so….there's no such thing as the Easter bunny?

Alex; pats back no.

Artemis; well, what about Santa…

Shannon; shakes head

Artemis; the tooth fairy…

Michelle; nope.

Artemis; sighs to think! I once thought they all lived in a villa in Jamaica…

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Jamaica…

Santa; so the Fowl kid doesn't believe in us?

Easter bunny; while smoking no.

Tooth fairy; shame. He was our best customer…

AN; how was that?


End file.
